this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
