Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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