she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
