On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
