Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
