Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
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