You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
