Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Randomize