The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
