I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
