bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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