I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
