dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
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