dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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