3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
zippers are such a cool invention
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.