Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"