You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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