Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
