i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
