Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
