Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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