dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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