Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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