For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
