He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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