At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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