So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
