how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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