her vagine was all disorganized.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
