Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
