____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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