I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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