Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
