areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
