Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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