Im at strip club and am horny
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
