There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Semen is not good for contacts.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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