the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
