I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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