either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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