i think my tv is drunk
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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