Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
