I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
