She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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