I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
