I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
