I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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