So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think your dad took our porno
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
