I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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