I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I cut my penus on the lid.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
