1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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