i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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