My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she smelled like a LAN party
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i now understand why vodka
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
