Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
