Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
