I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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