That's intense
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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