she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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