i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
