Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I understand Curling. That high.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
