escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
