theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
operation have a gay friend backfired
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
