community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
