I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Everything about him screamed your future.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
