So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm like, not good at living.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
