If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
