Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
