After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
